Orphan vs. son/daughter thinking and update on to move or not

I just giggle when I look at this picture of Mikayla. I can't believe that she's now getting closer and closer to turning 2 years old!! I've been working with her on eating with a utensil and using a 'real' plate lately; she's had a tendancy to chuck the plate on the floor so this was a big day for her and clearly she was quite proud of herself. I think about both her and Hannah, and I have realized something (rather, God has reminded me) over the past few days. They know who they belong to. They know who is providing for their tangible needs, being clothed, being fed, being loved, being accepted. They aren't left to their own devices to try to figure out this life on their own, they have parents who love and adore them and are blessed by them, and will do everything in their own human capacity to give them the things they need. They don't question that these things will be provided for them, they don't question if they are accepted. Although I do hope that I am daily instilling that message into them that not only does mommy and daddy love them with all of our hearts, I hope even moreso that the message we teach them is that they have a heavenly Father that loves them and accepts them unconditionally.

Last week into this past weekend I was really struggling with believing my Father. I was allowing the enemy room to plant seeds of lies into my mind, and instead of going to the truth of God's Word, my sword in this battle, I just sat in the muck and the mire of the twisted web of lies and deception that was growing at an increasing rate hour by hour, day by day. I was worrying, worrying about our finances and if we were going to be able to pay our bills, worrying about insurance, worrying about Mikayla's development, worrying about the future. I was feeling feelings of rejection, of unacceptance and insecurity, not feeling worthy enough as a friend and believing that people just 'put up with me'. I was even believing the lie and feeling condemnation about something that I had not only brought out into the light and laid at the foot of the cross and received forgiveness for, but had followed God's leading in making amends.

The more I allowed the enemy room to plant these seeds, the bigger the nasty snowball became. It was Sunday afternoon at a leadership meeting for a ministry I am part of at church where God finally smacked me upside the head with a 2x4. During this meeting, the Lord used the leaders to remind me of Romans 8. First off, I was reminded of what I already knew and it is that "therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death." God reminded me that condemnation does not come from Him, and the condemnation that I was currently feeling was not the truth of the situation, but a lie straight from the pit of hell. The second thing that God taught me was this: I was not thinking like His daughter, but more like an orphan who was not trusting that her Father whom she had been adopted by was going to take care of her needs, tangibly, spiritually, and emotionally. Romans 8:15-17 even says that we have become His children in which we have also become heirs of God and co-heirs WITH Christ!! "For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him, we cry, 'Abba, Father." The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs-heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in His glory."

He continued teaching that if we are not identifying with the spirit of adoption as His sons and daughters, we are identifying instead with the spirit of fear. He listed the comparisons of thinking as an orphan who was totally insecure in his relationship with his father, as opposed to thinking as a son/daughter and TRUSTING that our Father will DO what His Word says he will do! I am going to list below the comparisons from the notes I took; I hope that as you read through this list, you will ask yourself, do I really believe that I am truly his son/daughter? Do I really trust that He wants to provide for all my needs? I can tell you that while I am still walking through some of this junk, it is such a consolation to my soul (as it states in Psalm) that HE is my rock during those rough times. This mindset has been such a help to me as I walked out the day together with my Father.

ORPHAN THINKING: Always acting out of a fear of provision and protection
SON/DAUGHTER THINKING: Healthy fear of God, reverence and awe that He will provide and protect and that we ARE His son/daughter!

ORPHAN THINKING: Assuming rejection
SON/DAUGHTER THINKING: Assumes reception (we are completely received and loved and accepted UNCONDITIONALLY!)

ORPHAN THINKING: Assumes a mindset of insecurity (who I am, what I have, wanting more)
SON/DAUGHTER THINKING: Assumes security

ORPHAN THINKING: Paranoid distrust of people
SON/DAUGHTER THINKING: Trusting the Father (getting into His Word-THE truth)

ORPHAN THINKING: Is a hoarder (of time, talents, treasures, words of encouragement; always brings the conversation back to themselves)
SON/DAUGHTER THINKING: is a giver

I will say that after God showing me this, and me taking my worries, fears, and cares and laying them at the foot of the cross, these lies have lost their power in my life. I praise God that He is bigger than ANY issue or hardship, or even heartache, we might ever have to deal with.

On a different topic, I wanted to just update that after much prayer, we have decided that we will not be moving on campus at Calvary Bible College. Neither Ken or I felt peace that that was the direction the Lord was leading us. So as of right now, we are continuing to walk forward with Ken preparing to enroll for classes. We still need prayers for wisdom as he is trying to figure out which insurance plan to go with; the college lists this as a requirement for Ken to be a student there. Please continue praying that we will trust God with EVERYTHING and know that He will meet our needs as His word says He will for those who seek after Him.