D Day is approaching

I figured as I sit and enjoy some "alone" time (technically, I'm not really alone sitting at the local Starbucks, but you know what I mean), I ought to write about the goings on of life thus far with my 5 year old, my 9 month old, and my 32 year old (husband). :)

It seems like the past year has been full of "gear ups"; gearing up for Mikayla to arrive last September, gearing up for Ken and I to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary (love you honey!), and gearing up to begin down the road of homeschooling Hannah. As I look back on the process, both mentally and tangibly, to decide to homeschool Hannah, it has become so apparent how already God has been using this decision to stretch me and teach me. Let me take you back to about 2 years ago, when it was just Ken, Hannah and I and we were SO gung-ho about homeschooling her. I immersed myself in any informational seminar I could get ahold of, perused the internet researching the wealth of information on homeschooling, picked any brain of any homeschooling friend of mine that dared cross my path. I even decided, even though we weren't yet even "technically" homeschooling yet, to attend the local homeschooling curriculum fair (Midwest Parent Educators); I can only imagine the look I had on my face as I stood in the doorway of the curriculum fair. If you have ever attended a home show of any kind, where there is row after row of companies selling their wares relating in any way to home improvement, then you will somewhat understand the curriculum fair. Only instead of siding and window companies, imagine curriculum, school supply, manipulative, and book companies proudly displaying all they have to offer. I truly felt like a deer in headlights. But still, I was excited. We were going to homeschool, and it was going to be awesome.

Fast forward to summer of 2008. Extremely uncomfortable with being pregnant with our second daughter, I was kind of beginning to rethink whether or not this whole homeschool thing would be the right decision. I was exhausted, hormonal, swollen, and cranky, and at the time, thought I would give this homeschool thing a "go" and if it didn't work out, then I guess that would be okay. Then I had Mikayla. Doctors will tell you that post-partum depression has symptoms such as wanting to harm yourself or your children. I can honestly say that I never had those thoughts. But I was at my lowest of lows, was exhausted from having a colicky newborn, and if someone were to come to me and ask me, "So, are you still getting ready to homeschool?", they would have been lucky to escape alive. I thought I was absolutely insane for wanting to homeschool. How in the world was I ever going to do that?? How could I give Mikayla the attention she needed as a baby, and still be able to be fully functional and present to be able to teach Hannah?? With the same amount of vigor that I had in deciding that yes we want to homeschool Hannah, I just as vigorously dismissed the idea and figured that we would after all still be a public school family, and that PTO meetings and the title "room mom" would still be in my future. I was terrified of even beginning to TRY to homeschool. We enrolled Hannah in our church's preschool to "prepare" her for kindergarten life.

Eventually, the colicky baby settled down. And God showed up in my life in a big way. He knew the irrational feelings that I had been experiencing for 5 months, and how I not only doubted MY ability to homeschool, but was also doubting MY ability as a mother. As I was beginning to clean up the kitchen one afternoon during naptime, I was kind of having one of those talk-to-myself-and-God conversations. I finally just felt God tugging at my heart about this issue and finally just spoke out "What??? What is it that you want to tell me about this??" It was almost audible to me, as I sensed His Spirit lay upon my heart:" Don't you know that you are doing right now what I intended for you to do?? Don't you realize that it is MY intention for you to homeschool Hannah, and don't you think that if it is MY intention for you to do this, that I will be the one to give you the ability, the strength, and the wisdom to do it?? Stop trying to do this thing on your own. Trust in Me. Allow me to direct your steps." Wow.

So, the vigor returned. I told Ken about my conversation with God, and that yes, dear, I have again decided that homeschooling is what God wants me to do, whether I think I can do it or not. So, I joined the homeschool group at our church. I did coffee with some of my homeschooling friends and picked their brains again. Ken and I attended the local homeschool conference (this time HE was the one with the deer in the headlights look!). God even lead us to a WONDERFUL curriculum (for those of you interested, My Father's World...very Biblical/missions-based world view and a very gentle Kindergarten program-their website is www.mfw-books.com). I am now surrounded with a wealth of resources and friends, which I believe God put into place, to help support us on our homeschooling journey.

Well, Monday is D-Day!!! We start our first day of kindergarten. I am starting a tad earlier (well, okay, a month) than the public schools for a few reasons: It's getting hot, and it will be something to do during the hot summer afternoons while Mikayla takes her naps. I can allow for more days off during the year for appointments, sicknesses, field trips, or just because we feel like taking the day off. And Hannah is ready. She is SO excited to do school, and we would have started a month ago if she would have had her way. She sits and looks at books and so often says "Mommy, I wish I could read these words!". Ah, music to my ears!! I think though that my expectations of what school, at least for kindergarten, will look like. We'll be able to "do kindergarten" in the afternoons while her sister takes a nap. We can still do all the fun summer activities like hitting the park or pool in the morning. But I am loving the flexibility of if we need to change up our schedule to be able to do the things we want or need to do.

So we start the first 10 days reviewing the creation story, and beginning work on phonics which Hannah will have a head start on since she knows all her letter sounds and can identify both upper and lower case letters. I love that I am able to tailor the program that we chose to suit what she needs. And I think that God dropped in my lap what I need, and I need to remember throughout the year that He is what I will need to teach and raise my children.