Learning

After a brief hiatus while I threw a 'tantrum' at God or pouted for a couple weeks...whatever you want to call it, I feel like He's wanting me to get back to my blog again. I have heard that some of the most stressful life events include moving, switching jobs, and, well I can't remember what else. I think that in addition to Ken's job ending, having our move be to another state, and being away from all the friends and family we've been so accustomed to being within a half-hour drive from would probably qualify!!!

I think that the biggest topic of conversation that 'I'VE' wanted to talk about is, Father WHY?? WHY is it we have to be away from everyone we love so dearly, who have been such an important support system to us? WHY can't you hurry up and provide a job for Ken so that we no longer have to worry about our finances?? WHEN is it that we will once again, as a dear friend put it, have our own nest that we can have all of our own stuff and space? The first week or so down here were more difficult for me than I truly gave them credit for. I experienced some pretty serious homesickness, I think a lot of which was caused from just not knowing my way around town yet or not having connected church-wise or anything. THANKFULLY one of Ken's friends who used to live in this area DROVE DOWN two Fridays ago to meet us at the local CR at the church he used to attend to introduce us to people and get us connected in that manner. That was like a shot in the arm for me!! I think what helped is the familiarity of it, since it is a nationwide program. Their CR is HUGE compared to the one at Life Church, so that will take some getting used to, but we've been twice and so far so good. I'm ready to start developing relationships but have to remember that the relationships that Father brought to me through CR in Olathe didn't exactly happen overnight either.

We also attended Fellowship Bible Church in Rogers, at their Saturday night "Mosaic" service. As I understand it, Sunday mornings tend to lean more on the 'traditional' style of church while Saturday night is more laid back/contemporary. I will be honest, at first I wasn't really all that thrilled, because the Saturday night service for me still felt more on the traditional side of things. Of course, I was comparing every little detail to how Life Church did things and telling myself how it didn't measure up in certain areas. But, I will admit that the preacher, Chip Jackson, really seems to be the real deal, speaking authentically and preaching TRUTH. The series he's on right now is taking us through the book of Hebrews; the past two weeks he's been preaching a lot from Hebrews 11. The first Sunday we were there I had already doubted, and what if'd God so much already, and this message really hit home for me. The Holy Spirit brought to life for me the reality of what mustard-seed-sized faith really looks like..."He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” Matthew 17:20. As part of the message, Pastor Jackson passed around little jars of mustard seed so that everyone could take one and roll it around in their fingers. As I looked at mine I though, wow Father, this is about how much faith I really have to give you right now. I want to trust you for a job for Ken, I want to trust you for continued provision, I want to trust you for our next home. I am tired and weary, but your Word promises that you never do grow tired or weary. So, here's my mustard seed sized faith for you, I just ask in return that you help me with my unbelief. Thank you for the promise that even with this size of faith I can 'move mountains'!!

Fast forward to last week at CR. There was a live testimony that night, and while I don't remember every single detail of this lady's (Dana's) story, the part that stood out was her faith even through the most difficult of trials. She had fraudulently borrowed a few MILLION dollars from a bank and was arrested and prosecuted. As she continued on through her story and everything that Father had taught her through this trial, it was curious to me that the SAME verse that Father had brought to mind for me about a week ago (James 1:2-3) was the same one she just so 'happens' to reference during her testimony. I kept waiting to hear about how God delivered her, that maybe she would get some kind of probation or deal or something. But no, she does have to pay for the consequences of her actions this spring when she goes to prison for 41 months. Her daughter told her, don't look at this as going to prison, look at this as going on a 4 year missions trip, where you're able to share all the tools that you've learned through CR and the truth about our heavenly Father with ladies who might have never experienced Him previously. Wow. Talking about putting things into perspective. I've complained SO MUCH about the current state of things and how 'hard' they are, but here this lady stands, still anticipating walking through her prison sentance. I pray that God would go forward and prepare that place with His mighty angels, that she can experience HIs power and share authentically with her fellow prison mates, maybe even start up a CR there!!

This past Saturday night at church I was once again struggling with "not being at Life Church". I was seriously pathetic. There I was, singing songs of worship to my Father, and all I could think about was the state presence of the band, or the people around me not really worshipping as THEY should be. I mean come on you're supposed to be worshipping God here people!! Then Father nailed me upside the head with a 2x4 when Pastor Jackson talked about the story of Cain and Abel. God had asked of them a certain type of offering, and while Abel obeyed and gave an offering which pleased God, Cain had control issues and tried to offer worship to God on his own terms. Then he shared about when he was previously an associate pastor of another denominational church, which was VERY traditional, they wore three-piece suits to service on Sunday, and they sang their praise and worship out of hymnals. He said their current order of worship was the same as it had been since 1955! He kept telling God please get me out of this! I can't worship you in this, it's too stuffy and rigid, I can't truly get into worshipping you the way 'I' want to! That's when God got ahold of him and showed him that it wasn't about him (Chip). That regardless of what church service or denomination you attend, God is worthy of ALL the praise and glory and honor ALL the time!! He told Chip to start worshiping God on HIS terms. Ouch. That was EXACTLY what I had been doing! I had become all closed up and cross-armed to offering Father my continued praise even through our circumstance, even at a new church that I had forgotten that worship wasn't about me anyway! It is about lavishing my Father with the love and affection and adoration that He is ALWAYS worthy of. As they played the closing worship song, I could no longer sit in my seat and stood and lifted my hands high to my heavenly Daddy, confessing of my self-centered focus and proclaiming that I want to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus.




As I close this incredibly long post, I thought I'd share about a study I'm doing with some girls via the internet. The study is from the website http://www.goodmorninggirls.org/. Basically the premise is each day for 12 weeks or so you read through a particular scripture or chapter or whatever (we're going through the book of James).





Then, using the S.O.A.P method you dissect the scripture, first by writing it out, then making observations about the passage, then applying it to your own life, and then ending with praying about what Father showed you that day about the scripture.

It just so happens, as Father so often likes to do with me, that the scripture (S) for today's reading is the SAME scripture from the testimony I heard at CR on Friday night!! I particularly like the version from The Message (I've included clear through James 1:4 but the reading was only James 1:1-2)..."I, James, am a slave of God and the Master Jesus, writing to the twelve tribes scattered to Kingdom Come: Hello! Faith Under Pressure.Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way." That is the truth!! My faith life was really forced into the open, and what I saw was NOT pretty!!

My (O)bservation? That God wants us to consider it a GOOD thing when we face challenges and trials!!!

I think that (A)pplying this verse is so important for me and the season of life we're in right now!! I need to remember that the hard stuff I'm walking through isn't even necessarily just about me, but about Father and ultimately the glory HE will receive from our circumstance!!

My (P)rayer...Father thank you for your promise that you will NEVER leave us nor forsake us, thank you for all the work you have already done in me and for already showing me that you are SO VERY trustworthy!!! Help me to perservere, help me to receive what it is you are trying to teach me right now!!

And with that.....good night everyone!